We here are taking a different turn in the near future.
When I started Safe-Girl 18 months ago, my aim was to keep women safe out on the streets. Due to recent events in my own life, I have decided to extend the business to highlighting the effects of abuse in our own homes too.
I always looked at abused women on TV and wondered why on earth they put up with it. I thought I was a strong woman. Why did they let a guy off after every attack, just because he apologised? I would never put up with that.
The fact is, my abuser never even said sorry. I convinced myself that we loved each other so much, he couldn’t possibly realise what he was doing, and he would change – back to the wonderful guy I met. The hard fact is, I didn’t even realise I was being abused. The ridiculous part of this insane story, is that I even sent him Google links to pages about mental abuse, saying – ‘this is what I think you are doing to me’, ‘this is how you make me feel when you…’
He called me names, mimicked, goaded, ignored me for days. I was with my husband for 18 years without any problems. I left him for a guy I thought was my soul mate. The love of my life. I can remember a few months in, when our first unreasonable argument took place. I didn’t even understand what had happened. I said to him ‘ But you told me you would fight for me. You would never take me for granted. You said you were my soul mate’. His reply; ‘I lied’.
And I still stayed, never giving up. Never believing that man didn’t exist. Always fighting for what we had. And he was still wonderful every now and then. Hooking me back in. Showing me glimpses of what could have been.
I did not realise I was being severely abused, and over time, lost all my confidence. I felt low, ugly, unhappy, and still besotted with him. It wasn’t until I left, and after a complete mental breakdown, I realised just what had happened.
I am still coming to terms with it all. BUT it has made me a stronger person. In his words; ‘I TRIED TOO HARD’. He said it as a criticism. I just loved him. Too much.
Safe-Girl will now strive to highlight the effects of emotional and mental abuse. I am going to start a counselling service aimed at women who think they may be being mentally abused. Pointing out that if you are truly in love, and loved and respected back, these behaviours are wrong.
There are reasons I put up with it. Low self-esteem. Co-dependency. I have learnt a lot. And now, I will pass on what I have learnt, to all women.
Stay safe. Out on the streets. Or inside your own home. This is just the beginning!!