Does Anyone Actually Like Valentine’s Day?

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I hate Valentine’s Day…and I’m a woman!

There I said it…and I bet many of you are breathing a sigh of relief, nodding your heads in agreement. Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a commercial money grab, a perverted holiday marketed by the greetings card companies that leaves most of us feeling lonely or inadequate.

It’s my second worst day of the year after New Year’s Eve. But at least Hogmanay is an excuse to get completely smashed and sob your heart out with others, singing about years gone by and drowning your sorrows with a whiskey and a god awful rendition of Auld Lang Syne as the clock strikes midnight.

On Valentine’s Day, however, the pressure is on to be that sweet, demure well-behaved love goddess who makes an appearance once every 12 months before reverting back to that normal foul-mouthed, badass trouble-making babe by mid-morning on 15th Feb.

If it wasn’t bad enough before (and it was), the bar has been raised further in this era of Instagram and Facebook. That endless competition for the most Insta-worthy gifts is so incessant, it has forced my daughter and her mates to come offline until it’s over.

And, of course, everything is so over-priced. Restaurants charge more (because they can) and the service is never as good as the rest of the year. We’re crammed in with other fake couples staring gooey eyed at each other, pretending they weren’t there, or arguing over him banging her best mate, or whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher later on.

It’s a shallow, rootless, artificial holiday; the facade is all romance but the reality is all capitalism. It’s a billion-pound industry. People in relationships buy each other expensive gifts, and single people buy themselves Haagen Daaz and a bottle of Malbec to commiserate (or secretly celebrate) singledom.

Okay, cynical rant over. Still, on the upside, my excitement for Pancake Day is starting to build.

I shall leave you with these gorgeous heart shaped sparkly personal alarms. If you do still have to purchase something for your loved ones this Valentine’s, you might as well make it something useful.

And they look fab on Instagram too…..

 

Does Rape Culture Exist?

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According to Wikipedia, ‘Rape culture is a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalised due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.  Behaviours commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, slut-shaming, sexual objectification, trivialising rape, denial of widespread rape, refusing to acknowledge the harm caused by sexual violence, or some combination of these.’

But does it really exist, or is it just some propaganda invented by extreme feminists in a bit to shame men as a whole?

The statistics certainly seem to show a lack of understanding when it comes to consent.

A survey for Amnesty found 37% of respondents thought a woman was responsible for being raped if she didn’t say “no” clearly enough.

One in 20 men said they would try to have sex with someone who was asleep, according to a shocking 2010 survey of young people aged between 18 and 25 by the Havens, the specialist London-based sexual assault referral centres. A significant proportion also seemed confused about what constitutes rape: only 77% of young men agreed that having sex with someone who has said no was rape. While in 2009, a study for the NSPCC found a third of girls aged between 13 and 17 who were in relationships had experienced unwanted sexual acts, and one in 16 had been raped.

I think it’s important to realise that just because you aren’t a rapist, doesn’t mean you aren’t contributing to society’s attitudes towards rape, whether you agree that a ‘rape culture’ as such exists or not?

We laugh off rape jokes like ‘No means yes; yes means anal’ as harmless fun. Nobody actually got hurt, right?  But are we trivialising rape and endangering women?

We slut-shame. I watched an episode of ‘Love Island’ last summer, with my teenage daughters, and found it interesting that one of the participants was anxious to get her point across that she wasn’t a ‘slag’ in this modern age, and that she had had a fair few sexual partners, and why shouldn’t she? Nobody bats an eyelid when it’s a guy. More interesting was despite her repeating her empowering message a few times, and my daughters all agreeing, 20 minutes later watching the same episode, they were shouting at the tv about another female contestant who had moved on to her third guy in as many days, using the very insults we had all just condemned.

Later as the programme drew to its dramatic conclusion, ensued a fair few remarks on the women’s choice of attire,

‘She looks like a slag with her tits out like that. What does she expect?’ and so on. We’ve all contributed to rape culture by calling someone else’s dress “slutty.” We’re validating the people who say that women “ask for it” when they wear revealing clothing or have many sexual partners. Rape is rape regardless of your choice of clothing, or of how much consensual sex you have participated in.

Christin Bowman, a PhD candidate for critical social-personality psychology at CUNY, says we contribute to rape culture “when we create school dress codes for teenagers because apparently the natural female form is ‘distracting’ for male students and teachers.”
Apparently, women must present themselves in a way that caters to the male gaze.

Another way we contribute to a rape culture is body-shaming, and in my own experience, women are the biggest culprits. We put each other down instead of building each other up. We judge each other harshly;

‘Her bum looks too big in that’, ‘she has no tits’, she’s too fat to be squeezed into that dress’.

These kinds of proclamations promote the idea that, again, women’s bodies are there to be judged and consumed. And once a woman is seen as an object (particularly a sex object), it is much easier to commit violence against her.

We victim-blame. When women are being raped and assaulted, government, police and public figures say ‘women, change your behaviours… do something different’. Don’t go out alone, don’t go out after dark, don’t wear earphones, dress in this way.

Why are women supposed to change their lives and their behaviours for sex offenders? Shouldn’t we be telling rapists not to rape? The only thing that causes rape is rapists. Not how much women have had to drink, not what they are wearing, and not if they are walking alone.

Victims aren’t reporting rapes because they are worried that they might not be believed, that they might be blamed, that they may be dragged through the mud, that a conviction might result in a six month jail term out of a possible 14 years (Brock Turner).

Our society is not a friendly place for victims of rape. And until we dismantle rape culture and make it one, rape will continue and rapists will get away with it.

 

Do Personal Alarms Work?

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Personal Safety Alarms are designed to emit a loud noise when triggered. This alarm is a high-decibel noise that’s meant to warn other people that someone needs help.

The noise can register at up to about 130 dB. That’s a lot of noise if you consider that a train whistle only registers to about 90 dB.

Using this much noise against a potential attacker and you will cause panic or momentary confusion, as well as alerting others within earshot.

Crimes such as mugging and individual attacks are mostly  committed after dark, and given the natural curiosity of people, the attacker is immediately faced with the chance of being confronted by the public or a police officer.

Therefore, the chances of being left enough time to complete the attack are drastically cut.

As well as the practical safety reasons for carrying a personal alarm, most women report feeling safer and more confident just knowing they have one on their person. Because of this, we at SafeGirl have come up with some beautiful, stylish safety products any fashionable female would be proud to show off.